Rabu, 23 Maret 2011

(1-800-) Got Junk?

             So, I don’t know exactly where this particular catch-phrase came from. Maybe from the SNL skit “Junk in the Box.” Admittedly, it was a very funy bit; my wife and I both laughed heartily. The You-Tube video of the guy who threatened to have the TSA agent arrested if he touched his “junk” took the reference viral. Every newscaster from Katie Couric to Anderson Cooper repeated the use a multitude of times. Now, there’s a new line of men’s briefs picking up on the “fun.” The waistband is designed to ride above the waist of pants so the JUNK logo is visible. But I have to say, it’s beginning to bother me to have people refer to our man-parts as “junk.”
            As far back as I can remember, junk was an item, or collection of things, you no longer had use for. Basements, attics, cupboards and closets held our “junk” and kept it out of sight and out of mind. Every few months the Junk Man would drive slowly down the street to pick up all the stuff that had become useless to its original owners. What he left behind then became “trash” and sent to the local dump (we call them Landfills now).
            There have been so many monikers assigned to take the place of the proper medical terms it’s difficult to count them. But I’d place bets the total would be somewhere in excess of 100. That’s certainly understandable; who wants to wander around sounding like a medical professional or scientist all the time? Can you imagine trying to tell a joke? “A man walks into a bar with his…” So, we came up with dick, which doesn’t really make sense, since it’s actually a derivative of a Greek word meaning “tail,” and the last time I checked mine wasn’t growing out of my ass but, okay... We came up with cock, which does make sense because it’s a derivation of Greek meaning “to place forward in a prominent position” (and they certainly do that!). Then there’s pecker and prick among the most popular. We came up with balls, nuts, and berries, which all make perfect sense because of shape and function. I can accept all of those; I can embrace them. I use them all. But this new one – I simply cannot wrap my brain around this.
            I like my parts, I have a great affinity with them and I’m so glad to have them. My balls may have not produced a single viable sperm cell, they may not have provided me with enough testosterone for a pre-teen, but I sure love them. To me they are not useless. I get an awful lot of pleasure out of them; I like the sensations created there when I jiggle and bounce them around. The feeling of fullness, the heaviness, that tells me I need to empty them. The lightness in them once I’ve blow the load…wonderful.
            My cock? Well, I most absolutely have a use for it. The pleasure I derive from it is limitless. The senses can be overwhelmed by it! Even soft, dangling there it can deliver pleasant feelings.
            Nope... that doesn’t sound like junk to me. So, I think I’ll hang on to mine.
WAY too good

to call it "junk" anf throw it away!

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